Reading

So I haven't felt like doing much planning lately. Honestly, I'm getting a bit antsy because I want to start writing the damn thing. Also, I've been given some new responsibility at work, so I've been a bit busier than expected during the day.

But no matter. I am still going to write.

Meanwhile, I've been reading a whole lot. Since I graduated college earlier this year, my love of reading has really returned. I was really burned out on very dense literary writing and scholarly writing by the end of school. It's been so wonderful to get back into reading for pleasure, which I had done very little of during my college years. In fact, here are books I remember reading during college (many of them on summer and winter vacation):

• Various Harry Potter books
• A Series of Unfortunate Events and related books
• American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
• Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
• The Basic Eight by Daniel Handler
• Watch Your Mouth by Daniel Handler
• Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane
• America: The Book by Jon Stewart et. al.
• Wicked by Gregory Maguire
• Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister by Gregory Maguire
  
• About a gazillion other books that I started but never finished

I also reread some books I already liked, like 1984, but really, with at least a novel a week of assigned reading, it was all I could do to stay only slightly behind in my coursework.

Now here's what I've read in the five months since I graduated:

• The entire Harry Potter series (the 6th and 7th books twice)
• The entire A Series of Unfortunate Events series (plus a couple of related titles)
• Dracula by Bram Stoker
• Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray
• The Curious Incident of the Dog in Nighttime by Mark Haddon
• Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister by Gregory Maguire
• Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger
• Nine Stories by J.D. Salinger
• To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
• Motherless Brooklyn by Jonathan Lethem
• Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer
• Winter's Bone by Daniel Woodrell
• Charlotte's Web by E.B. White
• Tears of the Giraffe by Alexander McCall Smith
• Morality for Beautiful Girls by Alexander McCall Smith
• Brokeback Mountain by Annie Proulx
• The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen
• The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisburger

It feels great to be devouring books again. It makes me very excited to try to write one.

(By the way, the most amazing books on that list were coincidentally the ones by Jonathans: Lethem, Safran Foer, and Franzen. The most disappointing was The Devil Wears Prada.)

(Okay, my real favorite is Lemony Snicket/Daniel Handler, but those were the most amazing first-time reads.)

Scary stories

One thing I'm considering for my novel is having the characters tell scary stories to each other.

The setting of the novel is going to be kind of a creepy place. And one thing I want to incorporate is the way the setting affects the characters. So I thought it would be fun to incorporate some of those scary stories you hear when you're a kid.

Here are some I've found so far. I think I remember hearing all of these at some point in my childhood.

• The Hook: A classic. Couple making out on Lover's Lane hears there's a killer with a hook on the loose; the girl gets scared and insists on going home; when they get home, they find a bloody hook hanging on the door.
• Bright Lights (also known as High Beams): A woman is driving home late at night and gets freaked out because a man in a truck is following her -- and repeatedly flashing his brights at her! Turns out there was a killer in the woman's backseat, and the truck driver was flashing his brights every time the woman was about to be stabbed to death.
• Humans Can Lick Too: Old reclusive lady reaches under the bed whenever she feels scared; if everything's okay, her dog licks her hand. One night she hears something dripping; she reaches down and feels a lick, so she goes back to sleep; then in the morning, she finds her dog dead in the bathroom, with a note on the wall in blood: HUMANS CAN LICK, TOO. I think the variation I heard had the lady getting murdered as well.
• The Babysitter Story: Another classic. Babysitter gets harassed by creepy phone calls, only to find out that they're coming from inside the house!
• The Roommate: Girl goes to fetch something from her dorm room late at night and then spends the night at her boyfriend's house. When she comes back in the morning, she finds that her roommate has been stabbed to death, and the murderer has written in blood, "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?"
• Tap, Tap, Tap: This is another variation on the hook story. The boy and girl get in a car accident and he goes for help, warning her to lock her doors because there's a madman on the loose. Time goes by . . . then the girl starts to hear a tap! tap! tap! on the roof. She gets more and more scared until a policeman comes and takes her out of the car, telling her not to look back . . . but she does, and she sees the madman holding her boyfriend's severed head on a stick, tapping it the roof.

I like these stories. I like the little shiver they still give me, despite their lameness, as I remember the effect they had on me as a child. I can imagine getting more spooked if I heard these in a scary place.

The thing I like about these stories is the same thing I like about horror movies: you can laugh at them and be scared by them at the same time. The good ones aren't usually like that -- I certainly wasn't laughing at The Ring, for instance -- but the bad ones . . . they can scare and amuse all at once. I think that's weird. But I also think it's kinda cool. Maybe that's part of the reason why I'm writing a pseudo-horror novel. It's interesting.

Still alive

Things have been unexpectedly busy at work for the past few days, and this weekend I was out of town, so I haven't had much time to sit down and plan my novel.

I'm still planning to write it though!

Things are looking a little lighter today, so maybe I'll do another character sketch. But even if I don't do any more of them, I'm happy about what I've done so far.

What I really wish I could just read my current novel when I'm not busy at work. Spending all this time writing is probably going to mean a substantial break from reading, and there are some things I really want to read before November starts!

Maybe not though. I'm not sure I'll be able to stop. I'm addicted to reading! And it makes my writing better!

Character sketches, #2a

1. What is your full name? Lillian Hayes Dupont

2. Where and when were you born? I was born seventeen years ago in White Plains, New York.

3. Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) My mother, Jessica (maiden name Hayes), is a stay-at-home mom. My father, Benoit (goes by Ben), is a university professor (French literature; works at NYU). My parents are both kind, supportive people. They don't have a an especially intimate or loving relationship, but they get along. My father reads a lot, of course, and doesn't watch TV. He spends a lot of time in his office at the university. My mother is more conventional -- she likes TV, drinks coffee with her friends, takes me shopping.

4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? I have no siblings.

Lily and Ambrose are half-siblings.

5. Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. I still live in the house I grew up in. I'm about to start my senior year of high school. However, I'm spending the summer at my great aunt's house in France. She's sick in bed. I'm using the summer to practice my French and my college audition piece (I play the cello).

15. How would you describe your childhood in general? Nothing too unusual. I was sometimes lonely as an only child, but I always had a best friend or two to play with. My family didn't eat dinner together every night, but we probably did about half the time. My parents came to my cello recitals and everything. They did push me to keep playing when I wanted to quit in junior high, but I started liking it again around sophomore year. There's been some drama between me and my mom but for the most part, my parents give me enough independence that we don't fight that much.

16. What is your earliest memory? My father reading to me in French.

18. Did you enjoy school? Not really. I like playing in the orchestra, but I'm looking forward to focusing on music -- I don't love to read as much as my dad, and I'm not very good at math and science.

26. When and with whom was your first kiss? When I was thirteen, with a boy named Bradley who has since moved away.

27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? Yes, I am a virgin. None of my friends are that popular with guys -- I don't think we give off a very welcoming vibe.

31. What do you consider your greatest achievement? This past year, I received great marks in the hardest competition I've ever entered.

32. What is your greatest regret? A few years ago, I had a falling out with my former best friend that was very nasty. I wish I'd handled it better, and I'm still ashamed of how I behaved.

35. When was the time you were the most frightened? When I found out my father has cancer (he's okay now).

41. What is your greatest fear? That I'll mess up my auditions and not get in anywhere

44. What are your views on sex? I'm not against premarital sex, I just haven't done it myself. I'm looking forward to having sex when I actually find a decent guy to do it with. I hope that will happen -- I haven't had much luck so far.

46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? I have no patience for intolerance or hatred of any kind.

47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? True love, not soulmates.

48. What do you believe makes a successful life? Success in a variety of areas -- career, family, social life

52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? My family and friends.

55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why? My father, because he has achieved success in the way I've defined it for myself.

58. Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. Yes, I fell in love with our substitute orchestra teacher in 10th grade. Nothing happened, except that I turned red every time he said something nice to me. I haven't had a real boyfriend. I've gone to dances with boys before, and I dated one for a few weeks, but nothing serious happened.

59. What do you look for in a potential lover? I would need a good person, someone who was kind and tolerant, and had half a brain. They would have to have at least some appreciation for music. I would have to be attracted to them too, although they wouldn't have to be extremely handsome.

61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? I do want to start a family some day, but I am investing more in myself and my career right now. I'm not sure if I could stay at home the way my mother has, but I do picture myself getting married and having children either way.

62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? Ask my parents or my friends. I think that one or the other would be able to help me no matter what the situation was.

63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? I do trust my parents to make decisions in my best interests, although sometimes I want them to let me make my own mistakes. I am glad they made me stick with the cello, though.

66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? With strangers, avoid conflict. With family and friends, argue.

67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? Not really.

68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? No, it makes me self-conscious and nervous. I prefer getting to know people in smaller groups.

69. Do you care what others think of you? I would be lying if I said no. Especially with the cello, I need the approval of others to have success in my career. But I also want my family and friends' approval in my decisions, big and small. I can live with them not approving of me all the time, but I want them to like me for who I am.

81. How do you deal with stress? Music music music . . . or bitching about it with my friends.

83. What are your pet peeves? Rudeness, flakiness.

84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? Well, my routine is about to change because I'm going on a trip. But during the school year, I'll get up, get ready, eat breakfast in the car (one of my friends drives me, I don't have my own car), go to school (eating lunch with friends), go to my lesson (or practice, depending on the day), go home, eat dinner, and then do homework (maybe interrupting my homework to talk on the phone with a friend, surf the internet, download some new music, or whatever). The weekends vary a lot more, but usually I practice in the mornings so that I can have my afternoons and evenings free.

85. What is your greatest strength as a person? I think I'm good at understanding things from other people's point of view

86. What is your greatest weakness? I would like to have more confidence in myself around guys.

87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I hate my hair.

90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. I'm good at playing the cello, giving advice, and baking. I'm bad at sports, telling stories, and calculus.

93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? I would love to go to Juilliard.

94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Hopefully going into a great graduate program and dating someone I really love.

96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. Play the cello for the last time, go swimming in the ocean, lose my virginity.

100. If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice...)

Keep playing the cello, ask a cute guy on a date, and don't go visit your aunt this summer.

Character sketches, #1b

The most important thing I gained from doing Ambrose's character sketch was the idea of his mentor, whom I spontaneously named Robert.

In an earlier post, I decided really liked the idea of Ambrose abandoning his religious identity because he has never experienced real interpersonal love before, so sexual love is irresistible to him.

The idea of his having a distant, incomplete father figure came naturally out of that. It's probably a cliche, but I think it really works here. For one thing, it makes sense to me that Ambrose, a rising star in his church, would have a mentor to shape him and guide his career. It would be difficult to swallow if Ambrose did that all on his own, especially as an orphan with no resources.

(This may have been inspired by the amazing Motherless Brooklyn, which I just read a few weeks ago. Unrelated tangent: Edward Norton is starring in the film version? Neat!)

It also makes sense that Ambrose would have someone he secretly wished were a parental figure but really isn't. It's important that Ambrose's mentor doesn't really love him as a person, and I can buy that he wouldn't.

And I like the idea of one of his caretakers at the orphanage loving Ambrose, but Ambrose not really caring about it because it's worth nothing to him -- it's Robert's love and esteem that he really wants, because Robert's opinion matters; his caretaker (probably a woman) is not someone Ambrose respects, so he doesn't look at her as a full human being (a problem that will be important for Ambrose later on).

So I am happy with this exercise so far. This is the kind of backstory/character detail that might not have occurred to me while I was writing the actual novel, but that adds a lot to my vision of the character. Very good. I will continue to do this for the other main characters, hopefully with similar results.

Character sketches, #1a

Today I'm going to start my character sketches. That way I'll hopefully have them finished by the time NaNo actually starts.

I'm used to doing stuff like this from my many years of amateur acting, and I enjoy it. I'm hoping it will help me think about the characters and the world of the book in an organized, useful way. If not, I might not end up finishing them, but that's okay with me.

Someone (I don't remember who!) recommended a set of questions that are intended for RPG characters, but seem useful for other kinds of characters as well. I'm going to try them out for Ambrose and see if they work. I'll answer all of the questions myself, but some get a bit repetitive, so I won't post them all here.

Most of my answers are from Ambrose's point of view. My input appears in italics.

1. What is your full name? Ambrose Bent (no middle name)

2. Where and when were you born? I don't know where I was born. I was left at a (religious) orphanage in Boston, Massachusetts, when I was only one year old. I just turned eighteen in December.

4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? I don't know. I grew up with a few other orphans, but I didn't like them much. I felt like an only child.

Ambrose does have a sister who's about a year younger than he is, but he doesn't know it yet.

6. What is your occupation? I am a student. I have just graduated high school, and I'll start college in the fall.

8. To which social class do you belong? I am a poor orphan, so I'm a member of the lower class in that way. However, in the fall I will attend a prestigious university on scholarship, so intellectually, I'm in the upper class.

12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? Not sure.

Me either.

15. How would you describe your childhood in general? Well, I was an orphan, so it wasn't great. But it could have been a lot worse. The main focus of my childhood was religious instruction. I got a lot of it from people in my church, and I read a lot of it on my own.

18. Did you enjoy school? Yes, I enjoy reading and learning.

20. While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. Yes, my mentor Robert is a (priest) in our church. He took an interest in me early on (around age 11-12) because he saw my potential. Robert is a smart, business-like man. He gives me lots of things to read and then quizzes me ruthlessly about it, and we debate things a lot.

About putting the word priest in parentheses: I don't know what else to call them yet. It will be the equivalent of a priest, but this novel is definitely not set in the Catholic church.

27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? Yes, and I will be celibate for the rest of my life.

29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Being left at the orphanage.

31. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Robert is most proud of where I am going to college, but I am most proud of the speech I gave at our graduation ceremony.

33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? My pride is evil, although the church itself has instilled it in me.

35. When was the time you were the most frightened? When I had to get my appendix taken out. It was the first time I ever slept outside the orphanage.

37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? I would not want to be an orphan.

38. What is your best memory? The day I got into college, when Robert said he was proud of me.

39. What is your worst memory? Once Robert was angry with me for neglecting my work and it seemed like he had given up on me for a whole month. I had to beg him to take me back.

41. What is your greatest fear? That I will sin.

44. What are your views on sex? It's necessary only for procreation. As a (priest), I will never procreate, so I will never have sex.

46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Follow a hedonistic, godless lifestyle and get other people to follow him in that lifestyle.

48. What do you believe makes a successful life? There are different answers for different people. For some people (lesser people), it's getting married and having a family. For me, it's getting educated and becoming a (priest) and scholar. I hope to speak around the country (or around the world even) and maybe publish some books to attract people to my religion.

49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? I am a very self-aware person. I have an analytical mind, and I turn it on itself all the time.

50. Do you have any biases or prejudices? I try to eliminate unfair biases, but our religions teaches beliefs that other consider prejudiced. For example, we believe that women should generally stay in the domestic sphere. I don't have racial or ethnic biases, but I do believe that people who don't believe in my religion are wrong.

52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? God.

59. What do you look for in a potential lover? N/A, but if I were going to get married, I would look for a woman who loved God as much as I do, and who would be an obedient wife and a good mother to our children.

62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? The church. I would hesitate to turn to Robert, because I wouldn't want him to see me in a vulnerable state. But he would probably help me anyway.

63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? No.

69. Do you care what others think of you? Yes, probably more than I should. I want them to recognize my skill and intellect. Especially Robert.

71. What is your most treasured possession? The copy of the scripture I received when I entered the orphanage. I've read it countless times over the past seventeen years.

72. What is your favorite color? Not sure.

I don't like these kinds of questions. I don't think Ambrose would care, anyway.

73. What is your favorite food? None. Food is necessary for survival, but we shouldn't take pleasure in it.

Ambrose probably takes pleasure in it anyway.

77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night? Reading, praying, meditating.

78. What makes you laugh? . . .

I think if you asked Ambrose this question, he would just stare back at you blankly.

82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? Sometimes I am spontaneous when I speak. A balance between planning and spontaneity is usually a good idea in those situations. In my own life, I have a careful plan.

83. What are your pet peeves? Bad grammar.

84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? My routine will change a lot this coming year. However, for the past few years, it's been like this: wake up, get dressed, wash, eat breakfast, go to school, do homework (for school and for Robert) in the library, eat dinner with Robert (where we also discuss and debate whatever reading he's given me), go home, pray and meditate, go to bed. On weekends, I will sometimes reward myself with a trip to the museum if I have the money. I will also go to religious services and sometimes do community service as well.

85. What is your greatest strength as a person? My speaking ability, my intellect.

86. What is your greatest weakness? My pride. It's perhaps the only sin I can't help committing over and over again.

87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I sometimes think it would be easier to be a more normal member of the church, and settle down with a wife and kids and a normal job. However, I'm not sure I would change this if I had the power to do so.

91. Do you like yourself? I am proud of my accomplishments, but I also see my own faults very clearly.

93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? Become an accomplished (priest) and religious scholar.

96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. Pray to God, tell Robert goodbye, write something beautiful.

100. If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice...)

I would tell him to have some experiences outside of his church and his religion, just to make sure he's not missing out on something better for him.

What have I gotten myself into? (#1?)

I wrote 1,573 words today. Not on my NaNo novel -- on something else.

It was hard! And my word processor counts an ellipsis (. . .) as three words! And I use way too many ellipses in my writing!

What have I gotten myself into?

I'm decently satisfied with what I wrote today.

Guess I'll have to slide down a few notches on the crapometer if I'm going to make it through this.

Changing the plot, #4

Antonia vs. Lily

Okay. When I posted earlier about the female characters in The Monk being boring, Antonia was really the one I was talking about most of all. Because Antonia is boring. In the first scene, her only contribution to the story is to be reluctant to take off her veil in church, because she's so modest. Things only get more nauseating from there. Really, the only reason for her being in the story is to be Ambrosio's helpless victim.

Well, I'm not going to waste my time writing female characters like that, because they're boring, and I don't want to write about boring people this time around (if ever). So Lily is going to have to change.

Ambrose will meet Lily when he and his group are visiting the sick. It will have to be him and Zachary together, I suppose, since both of them have to fall for her. Anyway, Lily will be younger than Zach and Ambrose -- about to start her last year of high school -- and she's in town with her mother visiting her sick aunt. I'm thinking she'll be an aspiring artist or musician, so she's spending the summer preparing her portfolio/audition piece.

I think there are two ways I could really take Lily, especially since she's outside the main group of people on the trip: I could make her really interested in sex, or not interested at all. I'm thinking "not interested at all," just because it makes Ambrose's behavior much worse. Or maybe I'll make her interested in sex, just not interested in boys. This sort of screws Zachary over, since Lorenzo had a crush on Antonia in The Monk, but Zachary's main role is to rescue Resa anyway, so that's not such a big concern for me.

A big question is whether to make Ambrose and Lily brother and sister, as Ambrosio and Antonia are in The Monk. Although it's a bit cheesy, it's such a gothic thing that I'm reluctant to do away with it. And I think it would make Ambrose more sympathetic if he were raised in a religious orphanage. That way, he's been indoctrinated with religion his whole life, but has never really been loved by a parent. I like the idea of sexual love being the only kind of love he has ever experienced; it makes more sense that he would just abandon his entire identity (which is completely enmeshed with his religion) for sexual conquests.

Okay, I'm getting off topic here. The focus is supposed to be on Lily. Well, I've been debating whether or not to "kill" her, and I'm not sure. I actually like the idea of her (and maybe Resa) ganging up on Ambrose and killing him. At the same time, I'm not sure Lily would do that -- she might want the judicial system to take care of him.

Ooh, in the middle of this brainstorming I just remembered my earlier post about why I wasn't making any of my characters homosexual. I guess I'll have to let Lily survive if I make her gay, because I want to stick by what I wrote in that post.

Aah, this is turning into a mess. Okay, so here are the choices I have to make about her:

Does she like . . .

• Guys (and if so, does she like Ambrose and/or Zachary?)
  
• Girls

Does she . . .

• Survive the rape (and if so, does she kill Ambrose herself or prosecute him legally?)
• Get murdered by Ambrose?

Well, I think I will stick to that previous post and make her straight. It would be convenient for story purposes if she didn't like men, but I believe in what I originally wrote.

And I think maybe Ambrose will try to kill her but fail, and she'll end up hurting him to get away, so that he can find out that they're brother and sister, and then he'll be left to rot in jail with the knowledge of the horrible thing he did. If I'm leaving out the supernatural element of the book, Ambrose's death might be seen as a merciful punishment for him, since we wouldn't see him getting thrown into hell. This way, he'll have to live with the knowledge of what he's done -- and whatever injury or injuries Lily has given him -- for the rest of his long, miserable life.

Or he could kill himself and believe he's going to hell, but think he deserves it. That might be more interesting and give him some sympathy in the end . . . as opposed to the original book, where the reader is rather glad to see Ambrosio gruesomely killed.

Changing the plot, #3

Agnes vs. Resa

In my previous post, I said that Matilda was the only interesting character in The Monk. That's not really true; I wasn't giving Agnes enough credit. Agnes is a pretty good character, especially for a novel written by a man in the eighteenth century. She's just much more conventional than Matilda.

Early in the plot of the novel, Ambrosio finds Agnes communicating with her lover. I think they agreed to meet somewhere or something like that. I don't remember, and it doesn't really matter to me right now. The problem is that Agnes is a nun, so having a boyfriend is a huge problem for her.

I really can't remember the details of the backstory here, but basically what happened is that Agnes's boyfriend/fiance/whatever seemed to have died or left her in some irreversible way. So she decided to "take the veil" (become a nun). But then it turns out he's still alive, or around, or whatever, and she's screwed because she's already taken her vows -- and she's pregnant with his child. So she and Raymond plan to elope.

Ambrosio catches them somehow and tells the head of Agnes's convent about what he's seen. The head of the convent takes Agnes away, and -- this is the creepy part -- Agnes just disappears. As it turns out, she's locked in a dungeon underneath the convent, and she stays there for months. She even gives birth to her child while she's hidden there, but since she's given no medical care and very little food, the baby doesn't survive. When her brother finally comes to rescue her, she's still holding her child's dead body.

Agnes is obviously more of a fighter than one would expect to see during this time period. It's true that the only thing she fights for is love and babies, but still -- that's something. She endures a seriously horrible punishment and comes out okay in the end. And I'm pretty she gets to marry Raymond legally. I think they get permission from the Pope or something like that -- some kind of document releasing her from her vows.

I definitely want to retain this kind of determination in Resa, my version of Agnes. It's more the circumstances around her that will have to change. For one thing, my novel is probably going to take place on a two- or three-month-long trip (about the length of summer vacation), and I want the story to end at the end of the trip. So she probably won't be able to deliver her baby, since I imagine her being about two months pregnant at the beginning of the trip.

I think she will just be hidden away, although I'm not sure where to put her yet. I am probably setting this thing in an old abbey or convent, but I'm not sure there will be a convenient dungeon for her to be trapped in. Maybe one of the monk's/nun's old cells.

I'm not sure what to do about the dead baby though. That was just so gruesome in the original story, and I don't want mine to wimp out in comparison. I'm thinking about having her get sick and miscarry due to her imprisonment. That's not quite the same level of ickiness, but I don't know. It's really a problem for the purposes of this story, unless I make their trip much longer, which I really don't want to do.

I think what might happen is that she won't end up happily in the arms of Raymond (Jacob, I think?), maybe because she was only going to marry him because of the baby, or maybe because he was only going to marry her because of the baby. I'm not sure.

Well, I'm having trouble deciding anything definite right now, so this is something I will leave open for while I'm writing the novel. Maybe my character sketches will illuminate the matter, but I'm kind of okay with it if that doesn't happen. These details aren't as crucial to the entire novel holding together. On the contrary, they will reflect the overall feel and theme of the novel, and I like the idea of leaving that partially open. Who knows, maybe Resa will dump Jacob and go off to join a kibbutz. We'll just have to see.

A quick observation

Sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing trying to write a novel like this -- the idea for which popped into my head out of the blue one day -- in a month. I doubt the appeal and validity of my idea, and my ability to execute it.

Luckily, planning this project always makes me feel excited to write it. And that makes me feel so much better.

Changing the plot, #2

As I was saying, what makes a good heroine has changed a lot since M.G. Lewis's time. That's why I'm going to be changing the female characters the most -- aspects of their personality as well as what they'll end up doing in the plot.

I'll be doing more detailed character sketches later. For now, here are some basic notes on what about them I want to change.

Matilda vs. Audrey

As I said before, Matilda is perhaps the only truly interesting female character in The Monk. She has disguised herself as a man to get closer to Ambrosio -- showing that she takes initiative in her own life. She also somewhat bizarrely changes from being Ambrosio's lover to helping him abduct and rape Antonia. Bizarre, but interesting.

The first thing that Ambrosio notices about Matilda when she reveals herself to be a woman is that she looks just like a painting of the Virgin Mary that he is fond of (perhaps a bit too fond of). Of course, the irony is that Matilda is actually the devil -- if not Satan himself, then some kind of demon (blame my faulty memory for this ambiguity).

The fact that Matilda is a demon sort of forces me to ignore her awesomeness. She's not a normal woman at all -- she's supernatural. So of course she wouldn't behave like Agnes and Antonia do. It's much more interesting to me before we know about that plot twist. MUCH more interesting.

So the first thing I'm doing with Audrey, my version of Matilda, is that I'm making her 100% human and real. I'm actually going to have Ambrose wonder whether she's some sort of spirit or hallucination, but look a bit foolish for thinking so.

Instead of her behavior being guided by the fact that she's the devil, her behavior will be guided by something else that I haven't quite decided. The most obvious thing would be desire for Ambrose, and envy that he's moved on to someone else. I'm not sure that's the most interesting choice, though. I think Audrey's character sketch is going to be the most important, because there are so many directions I could take her, and I want something really good.

The only thing I'm sure of is that I don't want Audrey to represent the evil force that corrupts Ambrose (and anyone else who ends up a bit corrupted by the end of this novel). That would be boring and a bit too misogynistic for my taste. She is definitely going to be important in the ending, but I'm not sure how.

Thinking about this, I'm reminded of one of my drama teacher's interpretations of Lady Macbeth. Now, traditionally, Lady Macbeth is basically an evil, ambitious sociopath. But one of my drama teachers suggested, based on her monologue where she summons evil forces to help her murder the king, that maybe she's not pure evil -- maybe she's summoning those forces because she needs help.

I like this concept, and I'm going to toy with something similar for Audrey. Maybe Audrey isn't sure she's making the right decisions and ultimately reforms at the end of the novel, or at least decides that no, these aren't the right decisions for her. Maybe she'll be the only one who's allowed to escape in the end.

What she's going to escape I'll get to next time.

Title, #1

Man, do I hate coming up with titles.

I like the idea of Ambrose being the title character in some way. Now, he's not a monk this time around, so The Monk won't work, of course. And I don't want to do something similar because it would be like The Student or something dumb like that.

Ambrose might work by itself. Maybe. I could always do that pretentious think and call it Ambrose: A Novel. Not sure how I feel about that.

I'm somewhat tempted to call it Saint Ambrose (har har) but I don't want to retain the tie to Catholicism that the word saint creates.

And then there's the abbey I'm using as the setting. The setting is a powerful force in my novel because it changes the characters' thinking and perception of reality, much like it did in Northanger Abbey. But The Abbey, I don't know. I don't think it's something I would pick up if I were browsing in the library or bookstore.

And Mission Trip is equally dumb. It sounds like Road Trip or Euro Trip.

The problem with picking the title beforehand is that I think I will find the title while I'm actually writing the thing. Sort of like Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Not that Jonathan Safran Foer definitely didn't know his title ahead of time, but I could see him discovering that while he was writing it, since Oskar keeps saying things like that all the time.

My favorite so far is Ambrose or maybe even Ambrose: A Novel. I will stick with that for now but continue to think about new ideas.

Changing the plot, #1

The problem with reading older books, especially books like The Monk, is that the heroines aren't very likable.

When The Monk was written, the ideal heroine was meek, obedient, beautiful, and (most importantly) sexually pure. In fact, at that time, the word virtue (for women at least) was synonymous with virginity or chastity.

Things have changed since then. Maybe they're still similar in some romantic comedies, but The Monk is not a romantic comedy. It has romance, yes, but it also has murder and imprisonment. I think that if it were a movie, it would be something between a drama and a thriller.

Well, you only have to watch something like Silence of the Lambs or Kill Bill to see that meekness and chastity are no longer required qualities for female heroines. Clarice Starling and Beatrice Kiddo kick ass, literally and figuratively. They go after what they want. They have to deal with some obstacles first, but they go after it nonetheless.

In The Monk, Antonia is the ultimate boring but virtuous female heroine. She just sort of sits there being meek and modest until Ambrosio comes and takes her away. Do we feel sorry for her? Of course. But do we really like her? Meh.

Agnes is a bit better, because what she goes through is much more harrowing, and she does show some resolve in refusing to let go of her baby. But still . . . she disappears for most of the book and then is rescued by her brother. Yawn.

The only interesting woman in The Monk is Matilda, just because she actually takes some action to get what she wants. Unfortunately, it turns out that Matilda isn't even a real woman in the end. So it doesn't end up mattering that much.

I refuse to write characters like this. I don't want to imbue my entire novel with a feminist agenda, because that's not the point of this novel. I do, however, insist on making my female characters into regular human beings -- not just pretty objects for men to fight over -- and I think that human beings who try to do or get things are much better novel fodder than passive human beings.

Therefore, I'm going to be altering the plot in my adaptation. I'm still thinking about what precise changes to make, because I want them to be character driven. But I have some ideas. I'll be posting about them later today.

Character sexuality

I just finished watching an excellent documentary called The Celluloid Closet. It traces the history of the portrayal of homosexuality (and bisexuality, and transvestism, etc.) in Hollywood films.

For a moment, this movie made me question whether I should make one or more of my characters engage in homosexuality. It's much more of a controversial subject these days, and considered a Very Bad Thing by many religious groups.

The reason why I quickly decided not to do this is not that I don't think it's worth writing about. It's that given this history, I refuse to even imply that homosexuality could be a bad, dirty thing. I don't want any of my characters to be punished for it -- even if they are forgiven or vindicated in the end.

This isn't the right time for that. Two of the main characters in this novel die. One of the survivors is in love with a dead character. One isn't in love with anyone. The other two end up together, but it's important that it be a heterosexual couple because there's an accidental pregnancy.

If and when I write something with a homosexual character, I'm determined to portray that character as a normal human being. Nothing more, and nothing less. There's a long history of homosexual characters being skirted around or passed over because they end up dead. If my homosexual characters don't end up with their love interests, it won't be because one of them is dead. It will be because they're both people, and people don't always end up together, for a variety of reasons.

And that's that.

Character names: an epiphany

I love the name Ambrosio for the character Ambrosio. It's perfect for him: kind of pretentious and flowery, with a meaning that ultimately becomes ironic and sad.

Screw Osbourne. Ambrosio is going to be Ambrose. The rest of my names are really normal. My only unusual one -- Resa - is based on reality. Ambrose can have a weird name, because it suits him so well.

And if I change my mind on that later on, there's always Find/Replace.

So the final list is:

• Ambrosio: Ambrose
• Lorenzo: Zach (Zachary)
  
• Raymond: Jacob
• Matilda: Audrey
• Antonia: Lily
• Agnes: Resa (Theresa)

Cool.

Setting, #3

My main idea for the setting right now is a group of high school/college kids on some sort of mission trip or service trip.

They would be far away from home, and probably in a relatively isolated place. After reading Dracula this summer, Eastern Europe sounds appealing. I think somewhere in the mountains would be good.

On the other hand, I also like the idea of it taking place in an old monastery or abbey -- much like Northanger Abbey, the only Jane Austen book I like. In fact, I am thinking of incorporating Northanger Abbey-like elements, where the fact that the main characters are in that place changes their thinking and behavior. But I don't want this to be a parody -- there will be real consequences for their changed thinking, rather than just an imaginary gothic novel taking place around them.

(I say "on the other hand" because I have no idea if there are abbeys in Eastern Europe.)

The idea of setting it in some kind of religious school seems less interesting. A trip of some sort makes their isolation more profound and more believable.

I'm going to go through my list of requirements and see if this (the mission trip idea) meets them:

• An element of secrecy and seclusion -- YES, they are away from home, especially if they are in a small town or village.
  
• Some travel into the outside world -- YES, this would be their daily activities.
  
• Some communication with the outside world -- POSSIBLE, maybe Resa has found a way to use the Internet or the telephone without anyone else knowing. Or maybe she's just getting letters somehow.
  
• Enforced chastity -- YES, as long as that's part of the religious creed of the group.
  
• Some kind of religion -- YES.
  
• Some form of higher justice -- YES, the local government wherever they are.

I think this would be a good option, and it's the one that's stuck with me the most. I suppose I can resolve my debate of extreme isolation vs. an abbey setting by putting them in a small town in France or Spain. HEY -- I've actually been to a small town in France! Maybe a bit less research I'll have to do before November 1.

The age of the characters is another big thing to decide. I think I will make them 18 and over, because that means their parents can be much less involved. Not sure if they'll be college students or not, though. This I will continue to think about -- that's sort of a half-setting, half-character issue.

I am happy with this for now, but I'm not positive yet. I'll continue to play with it a bit more and see how it holds up.

Setting, #2

So. Where to set my novel. It's an important (perhaps defining) question for every adaptation.

Here is what I need from my setting:

• An element of secrecy and seclusion -- someplace the outside world does not really see. This is essential because Resa (yeah, Agnes is now Resa, I think) is imprisoned for a period of time without anyone finding her or intervening.
• Some travel into the outside world -- this is how "Ambrosio" (still undecided on "Osbourne") finds and falls in love with Lily. And it's significant that he pulls her into the secret place.
• Some communication with the outside world -- this is how Resa is caught.
  
• Enforced chastity -- sexual promiscuity, or sex of any kind, has to have serious negative consequences. Chastity has to be an important moral value.
• Some kind of religion -- yes, I've thought about this, but I really think religion is an important aspect of the story. In a way, Lewis's whole point is that religion places unreasonable demands on people, which then makes them spin out of control. It doesn't have to be a conventional religion, and it's not going to be Catholicism. But it has to be some sort of religion nonetheless.
• Some form of higher justice -- puts "Ambrosio" in jail at the end of the novel.
  

Looking over the basic plot synopsis I posted yesterday, I think those are the most important elements -- what have to be in place in order for the plot to make sense.

I'm going to think about those for a little while and post my ideas later on.

Setting, #1

Setting is really my biggest problem for this project. Part of the reason why the original book worked is that it was set in a monastery/nunnery (in the book, the two were right next door and shared a courtyard).

I am of course aware that these things still exist, but they just don't have the same meaning today. Here are some reasons why the original setting was so effective when it was published in England in the 18th century:

• A nunnery was a sort of refuge for young women. Agnes decides to become a nun when she believes she won't be able to marry her boyfriend.
• The Catholic Church was viewed in a very specific way in England at that time. There was a certain element of mystery about it, because it was foreign and ritualistic, but it was also looked down upon somewhat. I don't think the idea of a corrupt monk/priest was all that uncommon in literature of the time. So it was seen as both enigmatic and somewhat corrupt.
• Also, the position of the church in the physical setting (some town in Spain) is different. The book opens with one of Ambrosio's speeches. Even though most of the town isn't really that religious, everyone comes to see Ambrosio speak because he's an eloquent, powerful speaker.

These things have all changed. Yes, the recent scandals with Catholic priests might have a similar tone to them, but I don't want anything to do with that -- it has nothing to do with my novel, and by now I think it's a tired concept.

(And anyway, that kind of corruption would be too evil. The corruption in this novel is supposed to be interesting and maybe even a little bit relatable. Ambrosio's not just some sicko; I think the idea is that anyone might be capable of doing what he does, even though most will choose not to.)

And then there are the more obvious features of the setting. Most importantly, in a monastery or nunnery, you were in big trouble if they found out you had a lover. That propels a lot of Ambrosio's behavior, and it gets Agnes imprisoned for most of the book. So whatever my setting is, there have to be serious negative consequences for having sex -- and, for the Ambrosio character, a substantial fear of being discovered.

More on this later.

Character names

As I start to plan my novel, it's becoming very clear to me that I need to pick out my characters' names now, or else things will get too confusing.

Like many other novelists, Lewis was very careful with his character names. They all mean something (well, almost all):

• Ambrosio: divine, immortal
• Agnes: chaste, pure, holy
• Antonia: unknown, but someone said something about a flower, so I'm going with that
• Lorenzo: "from Laurentum" (WTF?)
• Raymond: advice, protector/protecting hands
• Matilda: mighty in battle/strength in battle

For the most part, I want more contemporary-sounding names. So I did searches on a couple of name websites to find names with similar meanings. Here's what I came up with.

• Ambrosio: Esmond (? but I like it), Osbourne, Oscar, Oswald
• Agnes: Katherine, Phoebe, Maria, Theresa, Jessabell, Candace, Karen, Ariana, Bianca, Winifred
• Antonia: n/a
• Lorenzo: n/a
• Raymond: Edmund, Jacob
• Matilda: Gertrude, Mildred, Audrey

Hmm. Interesting. Here are my choices, I think.

• Ambrosio: Ambrosio is really the protagonist, so this is hard. My instinct is to go with Osbourne and have him go by Oz for short, but that might be stupid. Come back to this one.
• Agnes: Lots of good choices, but I love the name Phoebe.
• Antonia: I'm going with the flower thing and call her Lily.
• Lorenzo: Tough one, because this name has no meaning to me. So I'll pick randomly. Lorenzo, you are hereby christened . . . Zachary. I picked it because I like the name, but it turns out it also means "God remembers." Appropriate for Lorenzo's character.
• Raymond: Ooh, I love the name Jacob.
• Matilda: Ditto for Audrey.

Still not sure about Osbourne, but the others seem okay. Zachary will be Zach, I imagine. Everyone else will go by his or her full name.

So one more time:

Oz
Phoebe
Lily
Zach
Jacob
Audrey

All the women's names end in an "ee" sound. Might switch Phoebe to Theresa or Resa.

Synopsis of The Monk

Here's a detailed synopsis of the novel.

Here's the much more basic outline I'm working with (spoiler alert if you're ever going to read it yourself).

Characters:

• Ambrosio is an important monk/priest.
• Matilda is another monk who disguised herself as a man to get close to Ambrosio.
• Agnes is a nun.
• Lorenzo, Raymond, and Antonia are your basic novel protagonists from this time -- you know, hot rich people (srsly!).

Other important info:

• Agnes and Raymond were lovers before Agnes became a nun (misunderstanding, she thought he was dead, or something).
• Lorenzo and Agnes are siblings.
• Lorenzo is in love with Antonia.

Very basic synopsis:

1. Rosario reveals to Ambrosio that he is really a woman named Matilda, and that "he" is in love with Ambrosio. They sleep together.

2. Ambrosio discovers Agnes communicating with her lover. He tattles on Agnes, and she is locked away in a dungeon.

3. While visiting a sick old woman, Ambrosio falls in love with her niece, Antonia.

4. With help from Matilda and Satan, Ambrosio kills Antonia’s aunt and abducts Antonia to rape and murder her.

5. Lorenzo and a mob rescue Agnes (and her dead baby -- horrible) and find Antonia’s dead, ravished body.

6. Lorenzo reveals what Ambrosio has done.

7. Ambrosio is sentenced to death but is saved by Satan. It turns out that Matilda was actually the the devil in disguise, and Antonia was actually Ambrosio's sister, yuck. Then Satan casts Ambrosio's soul into Hell.

It begins, #2

My fanfiction writing was just for me. I want my NaNo novel to be a little bit closer to something other people would want to read. Yes, a lot of it is going to be crap. But at the very least, I'd like the story to appeal to be people.

That's why I'm stealing the story from someone else!

In college, about a year and a half ago, I read a book called The Monk. It's one of the most famous gothic novels ever, and it's awesome. Sex, violence, weird ghost stories . . . everything you could possibly want in a piece of assigned reading for an English class.

I really loved this book, and I don't know why. It's probably the only time in my whole undergraduate career that I read about 300 pages of an assigned novel in just one sitting.

So I'm taking the basic framework of The Monk and adapting it to a more modern setting, and to more modern themes. I'll be discussing and debating the details of this process in my posts for the rest of this month.

I'm really happy with my decision to take someone else's basic story and modify it and rewrite it. It removes a lot of the stress of planning, and allows me to focus on just writing something. Plus, I know that I've read some version of the story and liked it. That makes me feel like I'm doing something right, on some level.

It begins, #1

National Novel Writing Month -- more commonly known as NaNoWriMo. I'm sure you know about it by now. The idea is to write a 50,000-word novel in the month of November.

I am doing this on a whim. I have no idea whether I'll finish. But I've been wanting to get back into writing for awhile, and this seemed like a good way to do that.

I haven't written anything long since high school, when I passed my time in boring classes writing fanfiction about hunky celebrities. I'm not embarrassed about having done this -- it taught me a lot about writing, and it was a great way to pass the time while seeming to take notes in Pre-AP Chemistry.

I think that for me, NaNoWriMo will be a bridge between that and trying to write a real, publishable (?) novel. My fanfiction was for me, and a few other people who were a lot like me; with my NaNo novel, I'm stepping outside that a little bit. At least I hope I am.